Life bEing messY, I juSt wanT tO sAy somEthing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEo5bjnJViA


What my life would be, if I don’t have a clear goal? Being a hedonist? No. I can’t. I am not supposed to waste my time. But what else can I be? I don’t know. Hence, to avoid the frustrating fact that I may be wasting time again, I might just pick up a book to read. Whatever books will do for I just want to find something to do. Study can be really a drudgery thing if I cannot find myself a motive.

Sorry? What are you writing about? Rubbish… No introduction. No background information. No main idea. No thesis sentence. What is your point? Er… this is rubbish…maybe you should rewrite it. Be more conscious about your content, organization, and language.
Sorry… I myself even do not know what I am writing about. I just want to say something about me, about my life, my goal, my motive to live on happily, my reasoning or…nothing. Sorry again for the misusing of the punctuation. Sorry for make it awkward to read and make sense, but, maybe, I do not expect anyone see this and understand me, simply because I am not making any sense. Sorry to have bother you to read this. Hopefully you are wasting your time. Or, maybe, you are just like me, wanting to find something to do, in case you may waste your time. However, sorry to tell you, you are still wasting your time.

Thus( or hence, as long as you do not use “so”, it will be perfectly fine. Somehow the teacher who mark the paper does not like it), I now finally figure out what I am doing. Haha… I am wasting my time. Maybe true. Maybe not. Rather than that, I am reasoning about something important, which seems much more necessary than grabbing something to read or getting some silly mathematic quiz to torture myself. Why? I must to this sort of things to improve my academic performance, to be more specific, a good cap. Yes! That’s it. But, again, why? a good cap may guarantee a good job. Again, why? A good job means more money, and more money means the capability to buy and own more stuff. Why? Why? Why?

Panic, haunted, irritated, provoked, furious, maniacal, crazy, mad, delirious… Ba… so happy to I have got some words at hand. Ba… I am a man with no goals, hopeless. Why do I must have goals? Er… maybe it will allow me to know where to go. What if I still do not know where to go with a goal since the goal might lead nowhere. Oh, please, stop it, don’t be so obnoxious ok? Haha… new phrase in practice again. Nihilistic? No!

Why not live life to its fullest? Since I am so lucky to come to this world. Super lottery win! one out of tens of thousands. The world is so big. Really! Though in this infinite universe, the earth is so small and alone, yet it is big enough to get you lost. Haha, even a red dot like Singapore is big enough to get me lost. But I am lost in somewhere else, not like anywhere I have been to. A place made of liquid. And once I get lost, the surrounding becomes denser and denser, and in the end, turns solid. Then I become something like an amber, sticking there, until I feel adjusted to the environment and begin to move again.

Hi, there. My name is Leon and I am pathetic.

It is miraculous that somehow I manage to spend 20 years doing all sorts of things without a reason. But I need a reason now! er… sounds like I am still in adolescence.

I will keep writing, though I do not know what to say.

I will live on, though I do not know what I am living for.

I do not have to be reasonable if the simple motive to write is just finding something to do.

I do not have to have clear goals in life if… if you just find it awfully hard to find one.

Rubbish again.

Yes? No? hey, wait a secod, man!
I do have goals! I mean I do have something to keep me going! To do better than everybody else is my goal. Just do better! So, what is better and why do I have to be better than others. What I am trying to prove? One day, I may become the empire of the universe. So what? I am ashamed.
……
……
All right. Before I drive myself mad, I had better be more realistic.
Yes.realistic…realistic…. realistic…realistic…
So, be real.

What am I doing? Typing in front of a laptop.
What is on my mind? Nothing.
The greatest invention of 21st century is personal computer utterly! Just because it has the amazing power to accelerate the speed of time. Time flies. Sometime I just wonder how people might feel if they find themselves 80 years old overnight. I will be really scared. That’s for sure.
To find the reason of life may be hard, but it will be much easier to find out the reason of the things you are doing right now. Me? Don’t know…

Ok. I am not happy today, because we or I fail in the inter class debate.
Haha, finally, I know what I am doing. Naive? Childish? Puerile? Silly ? yes, absolutely.. I want to cry,seriously.

Maybe, I should talk about something more pleasant.

Hope is a nice thing, so is dream.

“Paul, a mobile phone salesman from south wells, by day I sell mobile phones, my dream is to spend my life doing what I feel I was born to. I always wanted to sing as a career confidence is always sort of difficult thing for me …”

Every time I watch this, my tear would run dry. I don’t think I am too sentimental. Spontaneously, tears just build up in my eyes.

Suddenly, I don’t want to write anymore.
So, just stop here.