I have to say that I am not keen about the Chinese New Year before. Unlike others, I never experience the excitement when the New Year is approaching. On the New Year’s Eve, I will watch the ceremony on TV with my family only when I am forced to. Otherwise, I would definitely prefer to dive into my favorite books in a warm quiet room. It’s not that I don’t love my family, just that I can not accept the exaggerative happiness on everyone’s face. I don’t want my life to be so joyful at one time, yet so miserable at another.
This time the New Year comes again. The excitement, like every year else, can not reach me. 2008 is so dramatic for me. From the stressful preparation for the college entrance exam, to my desperately choosing the most risky pass, all the way to the foreseeable failure in July, things flashed before me, making me busy to react. Not so long after was my overnight fame in HIT, with all the activities I organized, and all the speeches I’ve made. But from the first day, I meant to leave. That university was so small a pond for a big fish like me. I have spent two months preparing for the SM3 qualification exam. But I never really take time to think how I would cope with it once I have passed the exam.
I’m not prepared. The New Year was like a shock to me. What on earth have I done? Why I am here? To look back at the whole year, I was faced with so many cross roads. I don’t know whether I chose the best one. But once I was here, things will be different.
I do miss my friends back in Harbin, Beijing, Hong Kong, and even the States. But I never regret, I am fully responsible for my choice. I fought for my fate and succeed. I should be proud of myself anyhow.
One necessary part for the New Year is New Year resolution. Mine is to keep working hard. Too often, I saw dozens of students talking happily in the canteen through the whole evening. I wish I could enjoy myself like them, but I really couldn’t afford it. Study for me is much more important than a moment’s joy. I know that to achieve my final goal, I have to say “no” to so many enjoyable things. So next time, when I pull my tired eyes from the book and see people having good time around, I would smile, for I am once again the winner in the battle against myself.
“Happy new year!” I said to others, but what I want is peace
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
It's a rather long article,but I finished it.You are a comtemplative person who seem to convey a message that you are not happy.Your heart is overcast.But I think I can understand you.In the world someting is fated and cannot be changed.However,what we have in mind are things that really matter.Once the sun shines through the window of your heart,you'll be able to smell sunshine anywhere you are.Just have faith in the world and have faith in your life.
ReplyDeleteThanks Yiping, for sharing with us your feelings right now.
ReplyDeleteI can see that you are a very determined person, and once you have set your mind and heart on achieving something, you will go all out to get it. Kudos to you for that!
When you shared your experience, I could almost see myself in you =) Like you, I was at similar crossroads before. Never an easy choice, but once made, there's no room for regrets. I didn't regret mine, and I know you wouldn't regret yours. So all the best!
PS: That being said, I DID regret not going out and enjoying myself more. Admittedly work is important, but play is just as important. So let your hair down once in a while =)
Ms. Lim