Why I would not suicide

Someone once asked me would I ever commit suicide. My answer is never. In fact, if the whole world is drowned in despair, I would still be sticking around.

In some days, I may seem depressed or extremely serious. That is when the unpredictable heaviness strikes me. I couldn’t control it, so I just left it erupt by itself. But deep inside my heart stands the faith that it will always cool down. You may ask what if it can not cool down automatically, just like an active volcano.

I am delighted to tell you that even at that time, I still have my life straw to keep my head above the water. No matter how hard life seems to me, truth is that the beauty can never be concealed.
A piece of music has more power than you could ever expect. At different phases in my life, I may like different music. But if I try hard, I would always find the music written specially for me. To listen again and again brings me face to face with the composer. I would strongly believe that he understands how I feel at that very moment. I came to acknowledge that in the long river of time some one does care about me. The lonely soul of mine is saved.

My life was once in total mess. After the big exam, lied ahead a long black summer. I felt I was like a train running down hill, once started, could never slow down. While others were enjoying themselves in whatever way they would think of, I just studied and studied. I went extra miles to torture myself physically and mentally. The dignity and honor were all gone. I didn’t know how to face my parents, my teachers and especially myself. I nurtured my dream with great care, and suddenly, it was broken. Not even a wreck was left for me to mourn for. But every thing is destined to happen. I came across the movie “scent of a woman”. It had waited 15 years for me to watch. And it came to me just at the moment I needed it most. “All tangle up, just tango down”, the knot in my heart is unfastened. Yes, we are just floating around. Sometimes we should do nothing but let it go. So many burdens on my shoulder can only worsen the problem. If I can not help, I will just be hopeful and wait for it to be solved.

I could no understand why people should end up their lives while there is still so much beauty and hope in the world. If I should suicide, I will wait until I have listened to all the music I should listen to and until I have watched all the movies I should watch. Then I would make a yawn, stretch my limbs and told myself: It is my time. Only after that can I “fall asleep” without feeling regret. But unfortunately, I’m afraid this process will take up a long long time!